Speaking of modifier madness, Magnum PI (who earned his webonym, people, for the tenacious way in which he stalked this one down for MRP) shares one that really burns his biscuit. As a rider on the MBTA’s Red Line, he hears it intoned regularly over the PA system:
As our eyes and ears of the system, we appreciate the assistance of our passengers in reporting any kind of suspicious packages or suspicious activities.
A fellow word nerd who has been known to utter words like “our imminent doom as a civilization” when faced with bad grammar, Magnum comments: “I would report suspicious packages and activities if someone only explained to me how the MBTA can be the eyes and ears for itself.”
Bonus MRP moment: Check out more about modifiers at the ever-excellent Fritinancy.